Perfect Little Lies (wewereinfinite6) wrote,
Perfect Little Lies

Sing like you think no one's listening...

It's hard to establish when it started or where it started or who it started with. All I know is that somewhere down the crooked path I call life, I became a bystander. That wallflower you ignore, or worse, speak of unkindly. Sometime in my past I was hit with some incurable, debilitating disease that makes me wonder why I bother living if I can't live the life I want. I know that I used to love to dance. To throw my hands above my head and spin around, giggling in such a silly manner that they all thought me to be crazy. I know that I used to sing, and run, and jump, and play like they all did. And I know that I want that now more than anything. I want to be her. That's one thing I always envied about her. And she pulls me around like if she tries hard enough and makes me feel stupid enough, maybe I'll just give in. But my feet are planted to the ground and no matter how much I want to move, to make a change, my mind has other plans. I've lived so plainly all my life. Just sitting around and enjoying the scenery. I never thought there was anything wrong with it. Until I'm dragged into this new world. I don't want to be there. Standing idly by while you laugh about how uptight I am. How I need to loosen up. I can't even express to you how happy that would make me. Just to be free. To loosen up with you and be like the other girls. The happy girls who are magnets to fun and the teenage lifestyle I know I'm going to miss. So, again, after a night of "fun" I cry. And I don't know why. I guess I just regret being me. Being this person I hate. And no matter how many times you say it's alright, I just can't make it alright with me. But I'll get over this. Turn fifteen and still have never danced like no one's watching. And I'll smile. But for every party there's a river of tears and seas of regrets that won't drain. They'll just overflow until it's too much for me to take. Not like there's anyone to blame but myself anyway.

You would kill for this...

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