I don't want to be the same person I was before I met her.
I know I won't be the same person I was before I met her.
But just because it hurts to think about life before I met her...
...some evil deep inside of me wishes I had never met her.
I know it's wrong to think about, because she made such a positive impact on my life. She understood my faults. She knew me, and listened. And things weren't always perfect...but oh god...i just wish she wasn't leaving...
I'm just glad I had the last two years...
"and you're too afraid to get attatched because you know they'll soon be gone. too late, they're already a part of you. and it seems like it's not fair. that no one even asks how you feel. there's finally something good in your life, someone that understands you. finally, but constantly you're just being reminded that they won't be there. that they'll leave you behind in their dust. and you hope and pray each night that something equally as good will come into you life. that you'll find someone out there who will complete you. fill that hole. give you that lift you needed so desperately. but it's no use. and you're left at the curb. why can't they just let go now, before too much damage is done... "-June 19, 2004
"i was alone, confused. and then, in march, i met crystal. she was a breath of fresh air for me. we became good friends. best friends."-December 31, 2004
"And I wonder where I was before you. It's sad I cannot remember since it was less than one year ago when we finally became friends. And since then I've heard of every pain that plucked away at your heartstrings. Every little thing that sent you off. And I've been there to hold you while you cry. And I wanted to cry."-April 21, 2005
"I want to be as strong as you. So that I don't depend on you or your nonsense to make me happy. I guess I just don't have that many friends anymore. But one is as good as sixty as long as that one is what your need. And I need you. No matter how much you want me to fall off that cliff."-July 17, 2005
"What do you do when you love someone? One person...
I don't know what's going on...
But lately it just seems like I've been falling for you more and more and I can't help but screw up. Constantly. I'm so sorry for being this, trying to win you over by buying your affection. I'm not this. Dammit, this isn't me. I want you, but I know you hate how I act. Polyamorous and bound to break a heart. I just wish that heart wasn't yours."-September 29, 2005
"I guess we're not so much friends anymore
So I guess we never really were....
and I'm sure as hell not going to say I'm just fine with that.
No one could miss you more than I do.
This was friendship. Nothing less. Nothing more"-October 20, 2005
"I don't know what I want and I tell myself not to get attached, but I am attached. And I wish they would stop talking but they still talk. She still talks. And I wish I was perfect, but I'm not. You asked me why I loved the name Charlie...well 'Things change. And friends leave. And life doesn't stop for anybody.'"-November 16, 2005